Lay baby down!

Emma has perfected the pronounciation of this phrase. Usually it is said in a tearful voice as in: "Mommy I just bonked my head/leg/back(insert body part of choice here), lay baby down so I can nurse."

In other news - Daniel got his first tooth on April 4th! He actually cut his bottom two at the same time. I know it's a month late, but I was waiting to get a picture of him showing them off. He is much like his Daddy in that he's more pragmatic and not as wont to ham it up for the camera like Emma would. Today I snapped this one and it will have to do.

mommy, my patience all gone!

Take a wild guess as to what an exasperated mommy says to her 2 year old? Yep - my patience is all gone! I like to think that I don't say it all that often, but perhaps not.

Oh - I got my hair cut. I love it - it's perfect for the summer!

I huve my Danyer

Emma Said the cutest thing yesterday. I huve my Danyer. The direct translation being: I love my Daniel. Can I hear the collective "Awwwwwwww!" 'K, thanks! She also says "I huve my mommy" but what she says the most right now is "I huve my daddy". Overnight it seems she has become an absolute daddy's girl! Hee! One problem - Daddy can't take her with him to work. The first thing she says when she gets up in the morning is: "Where my Daddy go?"

Prayers

So sorry to have two serious posts in a row, but such is life.

I have recently found myself the victim of a person suffering from Munchausen syndrome (http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/chronic/faking.html) This person assumed the identity of a mother of a 25 week preemie infant. They stole pictures from a web journal of the real family. They accepted money and gifts from honest caring people. We are all attempting to heal from this enormous breach of trust.

The following was written by a friend. with her permission I am sharing it here because she says so eloquently what I feel.

"Prayers and good vibes transcend time, space, and human intention. Prayer is a connection with the infinite, where time in not linear. Prayers offered in 2007 can help a deathly ill baby in 2005, and maybe they did. The intentions in prayers also transcend intent and human knowledge and understanding. Prayers offered for a person in one kind of distress can help a person in another kind of distress. People who commit massive frauds are usually in great pain and they need a lot of help and understanding to learn how to express themselves in a healthy way. Prayers offered on their behalf can help them, even when the help they need is of a different kind than what was intended by the offeror of the prayer. Prayers also help the world and the offeror in general. Sometimes we can slip too easily into a selfish desire to see a hard situation resolve as we want it to. When that situation does not actually exist, it may be that the prayer or intention is all the purer for it simply goes to make the world and the offeror greater, wiser, better, with no hope any longer of seeing the desired outcome. The discovery that the cause of one's prayers was false is a kind of death. How good it is to know that one's prayers and hopes already resolved, two years before their offering, into a good outcome! I'm so glad we prayed. A baby is well and happy and turning two. A mother is well and happy and hoping for another child. A woman received help and support and an outpouring of love, even though she was not able to tell us why she needed it."

"Forgiveness is like letting someone out of prison - and then finding out that person was you." - Brother of a Columbine gun violence victim.

Discrimination and a Weak Law

Statue of Mary Feeding Jesus

Argentina, In front of a local Catholic church

Picture taken by my brother while traveling South and Central America

Many states have a law protecting a publicly breastfeeding mother. Unfortunately some of these laws are weak and riddled with loopholes. For example, Texas.

Chapter 165. Breast-Feeding Subchapter A. Breast-Feeding Rights and Policies Sec. 165.001. Legislative Finding The legislature finds that breast-feeding a baby is an important and basic act of nurture that must be encouraged in the interests of maternal and child health and family values. In compliance with the breast-feeding promotion program established under the Federal Child Nutrition Act of 1966 (42 U.S.C. section 1771 et seq.), the Legislature recognizes breast-feeding as the best method of infant nutrition. Sec. 165.002. Right to Breast-Feed A mother is entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location in which the mother is authorized to be.

The loophole - authorization can be denied thereby eliminating the right of a mother to breastfeed her infant or child.

A Ronald McDonald House in Houston, Texas has decided to exploit this loophole and their victims are a mother and an aunt of a 17 month old boy recovering from brain surgery. Here is her story, shared with her permission.

"My sister and I are staying in the Ronald McDonald House in Houston because one of her 17 month old twins had to have brain surgery to remove a tumor last week. The RMH has been great and we have felt so blessed to find such a safe and homey place to take care of her other two children and my daughter while we are here for T's recovery. However yesterday my sister, who is nursing the twins, was asked to stop nursing in the communal area of the Ronald McDonald House and to take it up to her room. She was shocked! After his surgery her son will basically only drink breast milk and it is the only thing that eases the constant pain and anxiety he feels.

She told them that it was illegal, according the Texas state law, to ask a breastfeeding mother to stop nursing in any public or private place. She also tried to explain to them how inconvenient it would be for her to take all her children up 3 floors to their room every time her sick child needs to nurse. Unfortunately after 30 minutes of arguing, and being threatened with being kicked out, she was in tears and they weren't backing down. So I headed down there to talk to the administrator because I am also nursing my three year old daughter. I even pulled up the state law on my laptop and after a lengthy discussion the administrator acted as if she was going to examine the law so she understood it and move on. I thought that was the end of it. Today I find out they may be kicking us out of the RMH because we refused to comply with what they call their "interpretation of the law". Their interpretation is that if they provide somewhere else for us to nurse they don't have to let us nurse in public places.
Since when do laws get to be personally tailored to an organizations needs? This is a ridiculous and terrible situation for all of us, I am not sure what else we will do if we can't stay here but we can't just not nurse our children. The Ronald McDonald is such a great resource, why do they have to discriminate against nursing moms?

If you would like to send a letter(s) we would appreciate it. Arlene Whatley is The Director of Operations of The Holcombe location of the RMH where we are staying and one of the people who J spoke to about this. It is Arlene that seems to be making the decision here. Her email is awhatley@rmhhouston.org and her phone is (713) 795-3570. Also her higher ups, The Executive Director can be emailed at nscott@rmhhouston.org and the Director of Administration is srichard@rmhhouston.org. This message may also be shared and reposted as you see fit. Thank you all for your support."

"**Update** As of Saturday Afternoon(4/14) we are still being asked not to nurse anywhere but our rooms and Arlene, who I spoke to today by phone, has informed me that she will be contacting the Executive Director and their attorneys on Monday about the situation before any other decisions will be made. I have been told by Arlene that she will do what she needs to do and that I am to "be very careful" about what I decide to do. We are being told that we are not being asked to leave right now and that they never meant that we should have to...despite the fact that Arlene told my sister in front of another RMH employee on speaker phone that families who could not acclimate to the environment at RMH should find somewhere else to stay. She admitted this to me on the phone today, that yes she did tell J that...but that did not mean we actually had to leave. Also the day after she was asked to stop nursing(yesterday) J's social worker was contacted by RMH and was apparently told that she may need to help us make other accommodations. The RMH actually contacted my sister's social worker who handles T's case while he is in the hospital and got her involved...because J was nursing and they are not ok with that? I guess nursing means not acclimating to their environment and she was just trying to intimidate J into stopping the nursing of her sick son. I do want to say that aside from Arlene, and the original employee who asked my sister to stop nursing, we have been treated very well here and want to say that the RMH has great employees as well as the ones bullying us.

I just spoke to Naomi Scott, the Executive Director of the RMH Houston, and we(Me, J, Arlene and Naomi) have a meeting this afternoon (tentatively) at 4pm. She came back from her vacation early to handle the situation. Naomi needs to speak to some people before the meeting she said.

Unlike Arlene, Naomi was very pleasant on the phone but she told me that although they are not kicking us out right now that it is a guideline(an oral one) to ask all breastfeeding mothers to go to their rooms to nurse. This is the first I have heard of any oral guideline from anyone. It was never mentioned before. She told me this was because they had multicultural residents here and that they need to protects all the residents from feeling uncomfortable. Because of this they are not changing their stance on us breastfeeding downstairs. She also said that she has received calls from corporate but that each RMH is run independently. They have also received calls from national donors and she said that was uncomfortable and that all of our emails crashed their server(although they have fixed it now) which was costing them money.This is all I know for now but I will be contacting the LLL about representaion of some sort at the meeting and I am going to try and get ahold of corporate myself right now. Thank you all for your continued support..and please keep the pressure coming, we will need it now MORE THAN EVER to make sure all moms have the right to breastfeed at the RMH.

Ok here is the outcome of the meeting. We got out about and hour ago and I have been trying to find time to post here after returning some phone calls. The meeting was about 2 hours long and included myself and my sister, a representative from the LLL, and a doctor from the area who is responsible for some big research on breastfeeding. I will not mention their names as I have not asked them for permission to do that but we thank them both for their support! We could not have handled the meeting without them. I contacted the suggested LLL person in Texas(again no names) and she sent them right out. She was great as well and worked tirelessly for us today. From the RMH Arlene, the Director of Operations, as well as Naomi, the Executive Director, attended as well as a couple of their board members.
After a very lengthy conversion with many twists and turns the RMH is allowing us to stay. We are from now on allowed to breastfeeding in the communal areas if we follow some rules they have set forth and not too many people complain about it. They said if just one person complains they will tell them they support breastfeeding and discuss with them why they are concerned. If many people were to complain they will have to deal with that as it comes up, they could not say how as they have not encountered the situation.

The rules we are to follow are that we are to be discreet, this is at our discretion, meaning we choose what discreet means but they said they will obviously know if we are not being discreet if people are complaining that they are uncomfortable with us nursing. We are also being asked to inform the people around us before we begin nursing if we think there is anybody that may be uncomfortable with it. We are to tell them nicely that we are going to breastfeed, in case they want to leave or look away.There was alot of discussion about what discreet meant, but after some pretty silly possibilities for discretion they decided it would be up to us as to what that meant. They said they would not bother us about nursing again unless many people complained, which nobody felt was likely to happen.

The RMH wanted us to tell everybody that the RMH supports breastfeeding moms...they were VERY adamant about it. You can decide for yourself if that is true, I am only passing on what they said to us.

Now, at this point, this only applies to us. When asked how other nursing moms would be treated they said they cannot make any changes right in the room but that they will be examining the practice, or oral guidelines, of asking breastfeeding moms to stop. They said they did not have the power to make policy change, it had to go to the board; which they said they would seriously discuss doing. Obviously alot more was said in 2 hours but this is the gist of the situation. If they really do examine their guideline this could be a really good thing but we will have to follow up to make sure that happened. Please if you decide to write anymore letters(and they received ALOT of letters) please do so to encourage them to reexamine thier guidelines and to thank them for considering it.

Although they were not apologetic to us they have agreed to reexamine their stance and this could be really good for alot of nursing moms. If we handle this correctly this could mean national change for the RMH. We will be waiting to find out how this plays out in the following days and will will update as needed. Lots of media have contacted us from all kinds of large outlets and I am still not sure who, if anyone, I will talk to at this point. We are trying to decide how to best help ALL moms.We want this to benefit moms across the board so me and J will be working to change their guidelines as we go. And the LLL says they will continue to offer us support. We are not giving up on a full scale policy protecting moms, but we will have to wait for a board decision on that. This will take time but I am confident that we can make this happen.

THANK YOU ALL FOR OUR SUPPORT!!!!! Above all if you all had not done what you have done I suspect we would not have had the outcome we did or even had that meeting. Thank you."

This is an extrememly unsatisfactory response to say the least. Their treatment of the situation and people involved is inexcusable. Sad isn't it, the lengths people will go to discriminate against others. The RMH policy must undergo a nationwide revision and we have the power to precipitate this change.

What you can do. Call or email Naomi Scott at 713.795.3560 or nscott@rmhhouston.org

Call or fax corporate if you feel you can as well. Corporate RMH: Phone: 630-623-7048, Fax: 630-623-7488 Let them know that their apparent "oral guideline" as Naomi put it, of directing employees and volunteers to ask mothers to nurse only in their rooms is not acceptable and that every nursing mother should be able to nurse anywhere they are allowed to be at RMH. Especially since bottle-feeding is perfectly acceptable in these same communal areas as there was a woman in the common area feeding a bottle last night with no repercussions.

The state of Texas also needs to know that the nation is watching them and an unfavorable precedent must not and will not be set with them.

To contact the Attorney General of Texas. email: greg.abbott@oag.state.tx.us phone:1-512-463-2100 mailing address: Office of the Attorney General PO Box 12548 Austin, TX 78711-2548fax:512) 475-2994 Make sure you mention that the family was PAYING $15 a night to stay there, that may affect whether or not RMH can use the loophole in the law allowing removal of authorization to be there. If you CALL, make sure you make them take your name and some contact information (an email perhaps) and then ask them for their name. Makes them take you a bit more seriously.

A good sample letter:

Mr. Attorney General,

I am writing to express my outrage and disgust over the illegal harassment at the Ronald McDonald House Houston towards breastfeeding mothers. Breastfeeding mothers have been harassed at this insitution, banned from public areas, and warned that if they do breastfeed in public they must be "discreet" (a loosely interpreted term) and that they must "warn" other people in the room ahead of time before they breastfeed. This harassment is illegal and I implore your office to remedy the situation and demand that RMH Houston establish a legal breastfeeding policy allowing a woman to breastfeed in any place she is allowed to be, without any illegal conditions being placed upon her or her nursing child.

Sincerely,

xxxx

I have put together a little quiz for your enjoyment. Or perhaps for your frustration! Do, please enjoy. http://www.testriffic.com/friendtest/2942313

Emma's birfyday cate!

As embarassed as I am to admit this, here goes: We celebrated Emma's birthday yesterday. And if you don't know why I'm embarassed to admit that, I sure ain't gonna tell ya! This post will have lots of pictures so indulge me. Perhaps some of you like the pictures better than the silly stories. If so - this one's for you!

This is the birthday cake I made for Emma. I made a two layer white cake with my Grandma's homemade current jelly sandwiched between the layers, covered in orange cream cheese frosting (tinted pink) and silk flowers. Sheesh, that sounds like a wedding cake description! I was rather pleased with the final result - and it didn't taste half bad either!

I think Emma liked it too.

It was much less messy than last year! For comparison:

Emma enjoyed helping Daddy blow the balloons up.

And Daniel enjoyed playing with them!

This wooden birthday cake was her gift from my dad. It came with a server, a knife, a platter, eight colored wooden candles and there are spots for a candle on each piece. Emma LOVES it. Hopefully within the year I will be able to save up enough to get Emma and Daniel a wooden play kitchen with all the necessary amenities.

If you look in the background of this picture you will see the wooden sewing machine she got. Now while I am sewing she can use her own instead of constantly changing the stitch length and tension on mine!

Unfortunately she will have to grow a bit more to be able to use the wooden trike she got. Right now she loves having her Daddy push her around on it.

From the fridge!

Statue of Mary feeding Jesus

Argentina, In front of a local Catholic curch
Picture taken by my brother who is currently traveling South and Central America

Yesterday I was leafing through a pamphlet I got about 2 year olds and their eating habits. It was mostly mindless drivle. One of the sections that I glanced at suggested that 2 year old are now ready to learn where food comes from. It used the examples of apples coming from trees and milk coming from a cow. Since Emma gets more milk from me than from a cow, I decided to ask her where milk came from. In a common sense, matter-of-fact tone that only a 2-year old can manage so well Emma informed me that milk came "from the fridge", silly! I nearly fell over laughing as this was definately not the reaponse I was expecting. Tuan then asked her where "mommy-milk" came from and she pointed and explained "from a nipple".

oh, tap!

Can you guess what I say perhaps too often?

Madonna and Child

Museo Diocesano

11th century

I was reading a friends blog (hallo, Carolyn!) and got tagged with this. Enjoy!

A to Z: All About Me

Available or not: Nope - 4 years in May
Best friend: Tuan
Cake or pie: cake - until I learn to make a good pie. Then it will be both!
Drink of choice: Water
Essential items used daily: pump, computer, toothbrush
Favorite color: pretty ones
Gummy bears or worms: sour gummy worms
Hometown: Ponca City, Oklahoma
Indulgence: homemade white flour pancakes with blueberries or chocolate chips if I'm extra naughty. :o}
January or February: February - My daughter's birth month
Kids and names: Emma (2) and Daniel (4 mos)
Life is incomplete without: My family
Marriage date: May 27, 2003
Number of siblings: 10 - Allen, Eric, Theresa, Brian, Cindy, Kevin, Dale, Sarah, Glen and Me!
Oranges or apples: Juicy oranges and slightly wrinkly apples
Phobias or fears: being left alone
Quote (favorite): Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. Voltaire Research your parenting choices!
Reason to smile: Seeing both of my children asleep next to each other. Or on different beds. Heck - just seeing them both asleep is a reason to smile!
Season: Fall - I love the colors
Tag 3 people: You, you and you!
Unknown fact about me: Baking helps me to feel better. At one point our freezer contained 4 doz cookies, 1 doz cinamon rolls, 2 loafs of bread and 2 doz muffins!
Vegetables you don't like: cauliflower
Worst habit: yelling
X-rays: airport security? ;o)
Your favorite food: anything my father-in-law makes
Zodiac sign: Virgo

diptures and pears

Study of Madonna Nursing and Profile Heads
LEONARDO da Vinci
c. 1480

Are you curious? You must read the entire post to find out what this title means. Or, I suppose you could just scroll down - shame on you! ;o)

Yesterday I made significant progress in losing weight. I hadn't planned on the extra exercise I got in, but hey, I'll take it where I can get it. I suppose I should include some background information.

"Hello, my name is Maria and I am a lock-my-keys-in-my-keys-in-the-car-aholic."

I do this quite often and always swear never to let it happen again. I am particularly bad when pregnant. Last year I locked the keys in the car 3 times in one week prompting me to pee on a stick. It was positive! (don't get your hopes up - I have already checked - negative!) So yesterday Emma and I head out to the craft store to pick up a few things for her b-day presents. I stick my keys in my bag and then get her out of her seat. As I turn around and close the door, I realize that I cannot hear my keys jangling. I walk around the car and see my keys winking up at me from their comfy spot on the driver's seat. "Hi! Have fun getting back in without us!" Well, nothing could keep me from the craft store so we went on in, shopped and when we were done we headed back home via foot. It's not super far - probably only about 2 miles. But I was kicking myself all the way home (I'm very talented!) for not having my mei-tei with me. But Emma was really great about it all and promptly nursed to sleep once we were home. The hard part was finding someone who could give me a ride back to the store! Perhaps this latest escapade will finally kick my rear into gear to get the spare key installed on the outside of our vehicle. Maybe. Possibly. Next time I think about it. When I'm waking home again?

Every night after Emma's bath we sit on our bed and read in the scriptures. Then we say a family prayer and Emma nurses to sleep. Every night Emma comes out of the bathroom and announces to me that it's time for "diptures and pears". It just doesn't get any cuter than that!

*From the Desk of Tuan and Maria re clarification and response

I am so glad that my personal blog is able to host a discussion on this very important subject. However, some clarification needs to be made in order to keep the discussion on track and accurate.

This issue is about my right to breastfeed my baby without using a blanket, outside of the offered mother’s lounge and the sexualizing of nursing.

With regards to my breastfeeding: Any time I nurse my child in a public environment, gratuitous nudity is the farthest thing from my mind. I am concerned with my baby’s needs being met and keeping my breast and stomach covered as best as they can be in that order.

With regards to my husband’s and my meeting with the bishop: We are not publicly denouncing or criticizing our bishop. This is Maria’s personal blog and while it can be found by performing a Google search, we have done no advertising of it. The only people in our ward who are aware of any of this mess are the bishop, the Relief Society president, the people directly involved and those they may have consulted. Handled properly, the Relief Society president most likely would not even have had to be bothered. And as far as the bishop, we still sustain him – we’re not asking for him to be excommunicated or released. We are not even asking other people to breastfeed openly. We are just defending our individual right and helping others understand if needs be.

There is no statement official (or unofficial) about breastfeeding “uncovered”. In all the number of church talks/articles given about pornography, not one has ever mentioned anything about breastfeeding. Also, the state of Utah where the prophet and a host of members reside has a law that gives and protects the right to breastfeed uncovered.
I personally believe that Eve was asked of the Lord to make an apron - not an apron and a shirt while Adam remained in just an apron. The Lord never intended for a woman’s breasts to be thought of as sexual objects.

Anonymous and Husband:
*The only “facilities” required to nurse a child is a lactating breast.
*The time and place for nurturing my child is right when and where my child needs it – not right where, when and how indifferent people would like it.
*I take great pride in being a Mormon feminist. What, may I ask is wrong about being a “Mormon feminist”?
“What more could a Bishop hope for than a woman in his congregation to point out to him when he may be missing the point of the Spirit's promptings. Who needs the priesthood?”
*It is not the bishop’s priesthood that determines his spiritual promptings but rather his calling as bishop and his personal worthiness to receive revelation for his ward. Had the bishop even said "I have prayed about this (he never specifically mentioned praying about it) and the issues in this ward at this time necessitate nursing moms to use a blanket or the lounge." it would then be a no-brainer that this ward is not for us and we can move on to a different ward. But to just state that it is INAPROPRIATE to nurse uncovered in sacrament meeting doesn't relay spiritual promptings to me. Instead, it was presented as a trigger for pornography problems and a cultural preference.
*In regards to the smoking comparison: It isn't like I am inviting him to join me! For example, a smoker is on his way to work and passes a few people smoking on the way. They aren't asking him to join; they're just doing their own thing. But he needs to learn how to keep himself from being tempted by the sight.
“This issue is about modesty when breast feeding, NOT ABOUT THE RIGHT OF A MOTHER TO BREAST FEED, so stop taking offense and get over it.”
*(Italics mine) Interesting that I am told to “stop taking offense and get over it” when this problem has only been dumped in my lap because other people were offended by my discreet nursing! Because of how things have turned out, we feel as though we are on parole or probation, being watched for the slightest bare skin how ever incidental or insignificant it may be. Definitely, that is not the type of spirit that you want to be feeling at a church meeting or activity.

Happy 2nd Birthday Emma!

We love you!

*From the Desk of Tuan

My beloved friends,

I welcome this opportunity to say a few words about the very excellent comments to which we have read and pondered. Good counsel has been given from which we and others can benefit immensely. I am grateful for the emphasis on the acceptance of breastfeeding in general. How marvelous a thing it is to contemplate the divinity and design of womanhood. I wish you to know that we appreciate your love and concern.

Let me make it clear that I do love my wife Maria and our children tremendously. And I wholeheartedly support her in this effort. At times, I have a twinge of jealousy when I witness the special bond that she has with our two dear children, Emma and Daniel. But how comforting it is to have the knowledge that it is a mutual love shared both ways from mother to child and from child to mother.

Obviously, the meeting with our bishop left us disappointed and frustrated. Please understand that we both have great respect for this man. Though, at times, he can be quite patriarchal. But that is to be expected to a point considering his calling and fatherhood to his own children. The meeting went in circles with no resolution or compromise. It seems that having consulted with the stake president beforehand, the bishop was set on standing firm and steadfast to the counsel received from a higher authority. Maria’s suggestion of education, i.e. hold a fireside for youth and parents about the evils of pornography and the true purpose and design of the human body, was met with opposition because of the possibility that it may be perceived as agreement to breastfeeding without a blanket.

The one part of the conversation that bothered me most was when we were discussing cultural acceptance. From his experience and circle of influence, breastfeeding “openly” is not accepted in our region or in the Midwest where he served his mission. Maria explained that this is a perfect opportunity to educate and change the cultural perception of breasts to one in which God intended – the nurturing and comforting of children. The bishop replied saying that we cannot change a culture. To which, I replied that the change can begin with one. However, he reiterated that one cannot change a whole culture.

What a hopeless feeling! How insignificant is the one? Alone in action and thought? What difference can one possibly make among hundreds, thousands, even millions? I would think that any member of this Church would say that the one is very important and holds a great potential as a child of God. You only need to look at the restoration of the gospel and the establishment of this Church to see the importance of one young man and his courage among persecution and tribulation. And let us never overlook the great sacrifice of the Chosen One who made the Atonement possible. This Church, this gospel, brings hope to each person – a hope that we are special, that Heavenly Father still cares for us.

Perhaps, I have too much trust in the strength and courage of the human soul. But I must and do believe that there is a divine nature within each of us. We have such tremendous potential with that quality. Everyone was endowed by our Father in Heaven with a tremendous capacity to do good in the world.

For those that do struggle with pornography or any other problem, let us train our minds and our hands that we may be equipped to serve well in the society of which we are a part. Let us refine within ourselves the divine qualities and attributes which we have inherited. May we rise above any ill feelings or contention, and allow the light within to shine through as a radiant expression of God’s purpose and design. Though it may seem daunting as the one among hundreds, thousands, even millions, may the seeds we plant today change one heart, one mind…one culture.

I thank you for the goodness of your lives, for the desire within your hearts to do the right thing, for the fact that you are prayerful and kind and good.

Sincerely,
Tuan(The frog that Maria transformed into a prince with her loving kiss)

Madonna Nursing

Albrect Durer

1519

Well friends - the news is not very good. *sigh* My bishop did indeed send the RS pres to my home. I'm not exactly sure how to re-cap the evening, but I made a list of things we agreed on and things we disagreed on.

Agree:

*Nursing is not pornagraphy

*This issue is not entirely mine

We disagree on:

*He (and the stake pres agrees) feels that nursing in Sacrament Meeting is only appropriate with a blanket.

*He feels that any incidental flash of skin resulting from my nursing will/could be a 'trigger' for a man dealing with pornagraphy issues. Sort of like dangling a ciggy in front of a recent quitter. What about ppl with foot (or other often exposed body parts) fetishes? No one is being asked to keep their feet covered all of the time.

*When pressed, he found that the only solution in this issue in for me to use a blanket to "cover myself" while I nurse in mixed company - RS is not an issue.

*It is obvious that to him my refusal to use a blanket (while reiterating my efforts to always be as discreet as possible) clearly shows a lack of respect/understanding/cooperation/considration/compromise on my part

*He asserts that there are two ways to nurse - in the mother's lounge and "covered" (using a blanket). The third would be "uncovered" (his term).

*He and the rest of the ward can't possibly be the only ones with this negative and uncomfortable attitude towards nip. It's everywhere. (It is NOT in Oklahoma where I lived until just recently!)

*I assert that attitudes towards nip have indeed changed in the past 20 years

*He does not consider the normalizing of nip and breastfeeding in general to be a positive change.

*I CAN make a difference even though I am only one!

To sum up: He cannot force me to use a blanket, and I don't think that at this point he even knows what he would do if I continue as I have been. But he assured me I would be contacted should he later recieve a tip that an individual he is specifically working with on porn/infidelity issues has been negatively "affected" by my nursing "uncovered".

It seems to be an issue of exposed skin. If I nurse in the mother's lounge the odds that they might see any flesh are 100:1. If I nurse among them but using a blanket, the odds of maybe seeing flesh are then 50:1. Finally, if I nurse among them discreetly but without a blanket, the odds are suddenly 15:1 in favor of seeing skin. These are apparently odds they are uncomfortable with facing.

To quote a friend of mine "Why do we (society) insist on casting men as slobbering monsters just champing at the bit to rape and pillage. How disrespectful to one of God's creations to deny that they have free will and the ability to choose their own actions."

My wise sister told me that "when a person already is addicted to pornography, you cannot be held responsible for triggering that. Better not take any kids to church to trigger latent pedophiles. It's a slippery slope." I couldn't agree more.

One other thing he said is that if he were to declare as bishop of the ward that nursing in public without a blanket in mixed comp is NOT a problem, there would be a major fall-out. How rediculouse is it that a declaration that nursing naturaly and w/out shame would result in a spiritual calamity! It certainly does feel hopeless at this point.

"The scriptures often refer respectfully but plainly to the body and its parts. There is no embarrassment and often there is sacred symbolism. It is the world that makes the divinely created body an object of carnal lust. For example, it makes the female breasts primarily into sexual enticements, while the truth is that they were intended to nourish and comfort children. It promotes male sexual aggression in contrast to Christ’s example of tenderness, long-suffering, kindness, and steadfastness in the home.

Shame about the human body, its parts and purposes, is justified only when a person uses it for carnal purposes. Teach your children that they will find joy in their bodies when they use them virtuously after the manner taught by Christ."

A Parent's Guide, p. 37

found on the official church website

Emma bowseh

Just the other day I was looking something up on the internet when I heard the juiciest poots coming from one of my children! Quite surprised I turned and saw just what was making all of the racket. My 23 month old Emma was expertly blowing loud raspberries on my 3 month old Daniel's exposed tummy! After each blowfish, Daniel would giggle and smile while Emma proudly declared "Emma bowseh!" Coincidently, before Daniel was born Emma adored giving my swelling belly blowfish. Perhaps this is how she perfected the skill. Ahhh - the wonderful world of parenthood. I absolutely love it!

Check out this link. I find that unfortunately I am not alone in my recent experience.

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=371

How has our society become so corrupted and screwed up?

If you are thinking - whoa, a two-year old said that? please let me clarify. I am not giving this post an Emma-ism title because it is a very serious post and not to be made light of.

Joel 2:16
Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet. (King James version)



A while back, I read a thread on a message board about a mother and her friend who were accosted by their church over nursing myspace photos. These wonderful mommas were accused of "mentally raping" the men in their congregation by having "pornographic" pictures on their personal myspace accounts and nursing in church. I was so upset for them and proud of how they handled the attacks. Privately, I was so relieved that it wasn't me.

It is me now. I just received a visit from a member of my congregation. She (a woman, no less) came bearing cookies and the news that I was corrupting the "young men" in my congregation by nursing around them. She told me that even our bishop (head of the congregation) has been made "uncomfortable" and didn't feel up to telling me himself. After repeating that she is "all for nursing - nursed 4 children myself", I was left wondering - "why then did you not tell him to stop sexualizing the nursing of my children"? Or in other words - go stuff it! No, she left my house begging me not to be offended.

Apparently there have been several calls to the bishop by women in the congregation that they were concerned for their son's eternal salvation. (Ok, I don't really know what they said to him, but that's the gist of it.) All of the offended parties wanted her to ask me to hide my dirty self and my dirty act of nursing away from their precious son's pure eyes. Those are my words, again - you get the gist.

How did I handle this? I refused to agree to nurse in the bathroom - excuse me, "mothers lounge". I insisted that I was doing nothing wrong, immoral or pornographic. She actually dared to imply that by nursing my children I was being pornographic! I replied that it was very sad indeed that me doing the most natural thing in the world and using my breasts for their God given purpose was bothering them so much. I said that the youth need to see people breastfeeding as it is perfectly NORMAL!! I told her to consider me asked and after she left, I promptly threw the cookies into the trash. I have called the bishop and set up an appointment for Tuan and I to meet with him. Make no mistake, I will be prepared. I will not dissolve into angry tears in front of him. I will to be calm, collected and get my point across. This problem belongs to others. They are projecting their insecurities and archaic beliefs onto me.

One of the worst outcomes of this mess is that I don't know who complained about me to the bishop. And you know they would have had the guts to call him unless they were sure someone else felt the same way. So, yes, my breasts have been gossiped about. But who? My good friend sitting next to me. The sister that I never got along with? Maybe the sister I lent my EC book to. The ladies who are performing with me in a couple weeks? How can I not be hurt and offended?

This is NOT pornography! These are beautiful pictures of me nurturing and feeding my children.










Daniel - 5 minutes old

Emma (24 mos) & Daniel (4 mos)

Daniel - 1 month old

Emma - 21 months old

Mommy no baby nurse. Pat baby back.

Today Daniel rolled over! He has been toying with the idea for a week or two now. He would roll to his side and then get stuck on his arm. Today he was laying on his side and all of a sudden rolled to him tummy and popped his head up. He seemed quite proud of himself and wiggled around as if to show off. He sure is a handsome little guy, isn't he!

Daniel was feeling really tired this afternoon so I decided to nurse him and see if he wanted to go to sleep. Emma decided that Mommy needed to do something different. So she told me "Mommy, no baby nurse. Pat baby back." Well, I'm lazy and didn't feel like standing and walking around while patting Daniel's back. So I nursed him. And he fell asleep in 2 minutes!

Oh, bummer!

A few weeks back, I checked out a book from the library. It's called "The Best Mouse Cookie". I'm not a fan, lets just say. It's okay, but rather annoying. Emma LOVES it! After it went back to the library, she kept asking for the "mouse boot". I decided to order "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" for her birthday because I like it and it is a "mouse boot", if not the mouse boot. At least once each day, she will ask where the mouse boot is. I tell her that it is in the mail. "Oh bummer", she says! Emma knows that I check my e-mail to see if Tuan has left work yet and says "daddy come home" every time I get on the computer. Yesterday I got online and she said "daddy bring mouse boot". I told her that daddy didn't have the mouse book - "oh bummer!"

bus sing!

Ok - time is up! Have you guessed what the title series is about?

Emma has come up with her own way of requesting songs. She says the name of the song and then sing. So when she wants to sing "The Wheels On The Bus" she will say "bus sing".

Emma asked to have her leopard tied on her like I was slinging Daniel. A frequent request, as many of you avid blog readers know! So I tied it on and tried to get a picture. It's not the best as I was taking it myself, but you get the idea. Oh, and please ignore the crater of a zit on my chin! It really was too big to photoshop out! Hee, hee.

shh, shh, shh!

Last night I went to book club! The exclamation mark is used because it is the first one I was actually able to attend since moving. I had read at least 2 other books, but something always came up and I wasn't able to make it. I love reading and have really missed my Oklahoma book club.

It is a great book club and I had a wonderful time. The book that we read was To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. One member of the group brought an O magazine that had an article about/by Harper Lee. Surprising, because she has been relatively media silent most of her life. A new Capote movie with Sandra Bullock is coming out. Sandra plays Harper Lee who was good friends with Capote from childhood. Lee says that the character of Dill was inspired by Capote. There is even a "rumor", if you will, that Capote wrote Mockingbird! At times he has denied it and at other times he hasn't. Hmm. *cough* phooey *cough* I thought this was very interesting information that I had never heard before. I also didn't realize that the movie "To Kill A Mockingbird" was made just one short year after the book's release. That would make it 1961, (I think) and 1961 America was definitely still very much segregated. It gives an interesting new take on the movie, don't you think?

At one point in the discussion, I had an 80 yr young lady on my right saying something and a 60 yr young lady disagreeing on my left. It was very interesting to hear life experience vs. education.

My favorite thing about the book was it's subtle promotion of unschooling ideas. Scout goes to first grade where she is told that she shouldn't be able to read, that Atticus (her dad) has tought her all wrong and that the dewey dicimal system is the only correct way for children to learn! Throughout the book Scout, Jem and Dill learn through playing together, reading with Atticus and being around people in their town. The only things they learn in school are not tought by their teachers, but by being around other children. I really liked this because I am leaning heavily towards unschooling my children.

All fun stuff! Next month: A Tree Grows In Brooklyn