Joel 2:16
Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet. (King James version)
A while back, I read a thread on a message board about a mother and her friend who were accosted by their church over nursing myspace photos. These wonderful mommas were accused of "mentally raping" the men in their congregation by having "pornographic" pictures on their personal myspace accounts and nursing in church. I was so upset for them and proud of how they handled the attacks. Privately, I was so relieved that it wasn't me.
It is me now. I just received a visit from a member of my congregation. She (a woman, no less) came bearing cookies and the news that I was corrupting the "young men" in my congregation by nursing around them. She told me that even our bishop (head of the congregation) has been made "uncomfortable" and didn't feel up to telling me himself. After repeating that she is "all for nursing - nursed 4 children myself", I was left wondering - "why then did you not tell him to stop sexualizing the nursing of my children"? Or in other words - go stuff it! No, she left my house begging me not to be offended.
Apparently there have been several calls to the bishop by women in the congregation that they were concerned for their son's eternal salvation. (Ok, I don't really know what they said to him, but that's the gist of it.) All of the offended parties wanted her to ask me to hide my dirty self and my dirty act of nursing away from their precious son's pure eyes. Those are my words, again - you get the gist.
How did I handle this? I refused to agree to nurse in the bathroom - excuse me, "mothers lounge". I insisted that I was doing nothing wrong, immoral or pornographic. She actually dared to imply that by nursing my children I was being pornographic! I replied that it was very sad indeed that me doing the most natural thing in the world and using my breasts for their God given purpose was bothering them so much. I said that the youth need to see people breastfeeding as it is perfectly NORMAL!! I told her to consider me asked and after she left, I promptly threw the cookies into the trash. I have called the bishop and set up an appointment for Tuan and I to meet with him. Make no mistake, I will be prepared. I will not dissolve into angry tears in front of him. I will to be calm, collected and get my point across. This problem belongs to others. They are projecting their insecurities and archaic beliefs onto me.
One of the worst outcomes of this mess is that I don't know who complained about me to the bishop. And you know they would have had the guts to call him unless they were sure someone else felt the same way. So, yes, my breasts have been gossiped about. But who? My good friend sitting next to me. The sister that I never got along with? Maybe the sister I lent my EC book to. The ladies who are performing with me in a couple weeks? How can I not be hurt and offended?
This is NOT pornography! These are beautiful pictures of me nurturing and feeding my children.
Daniel - 5 minutes old
Emma (24 mos) & Daniel (4 mos)
Emma - 21 months old
13 comments:
I saw your thread on MDC and just wanted to check out your blog. I am sorry that the members of your church have reacted in such an absurd manner. You did nothing wrong. The pictures of you feeding your children are absolutely beautiful and full of love.
I wanted to show my support as another LDS mother (who also happens to EC and tandem nurse). It is difficult to trust the leadership in the church when you have been hurt like this. But remember that the church is still true (although the people aren't).
I can also sympathize with you as someone who has also gone through some difficult times with the church leadership in my ward (though for different reasons than you-- nobody bats an eyelash at my nursing my children in church). Although I don't agree with some of the decisions made and actions taken, I am still able to sustain them as leaders in my ward because I know that they are human and make mistakes, too. Keep us all updated on your meeting with the bishop.
I think the pics are just lovely!
I came across your page and wanted to comment. I think it's great that you breastfeed your kids and don't have any problems with it. I had problems was only able to nurse 3-4 months each one. But I would like to comment in defense of others that may be offended by what you do. Let me ask you a few questions first. Do you cover your self with a blanket when you nurse? Are you descreet? I'm asking because I am the mom of three boys. They are aware of breast feeding and that it is good for the baby. But, I know that most teenage boys have a hard time with being obsessed with sex. That said... would you smoke in front of a friend that was trying to quit? I wouldn't think so. So consider this, if someone was trying to keep their thoughts pure and not get lured and addicted to sex, wouldn't your showing yourself, however "naturally", make it hard for them? I wouldn't want, even innocently, to contribute to someone giving into an addiction that they are stuggling with. I know that it is sad that that is the way it is in our society, but it is. I wouldn't want my son to have to fight dirty thoughts because of something he was exposed to at church. Just as I would not want to see someone else's penis(besides my husbands). That too serves different functions. Please consider these things. People are not questioning whether or not what you are doing is good for your kids, just what you might be contributing to in impressonable youth. Yes, please nurse, under a blanket, so that kids will know about it. They will know what you are doing. But please don't cause the boys stress. If you want to comment back, you can e-mail Ang806@yahoo.com
Ang, your argument doesn't hold water. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. We can't control what another person thinks. Some people have sexual feelings about feet, but that doesn't mean that nobody should wear open toed shoes or go barefoot to keep them from having those thoughts.
PS-- breasts are not genitals so don't bring penises into the discussion.
Carolyn
Perhaps you would be comfortable letting your 12 year old daughter wear clothes which show her tummy. After all, her tummy is not part of her genitals. Perhaps we should petition the prophet to change the design of the garment to look more like a bikini. Perhaps as church members we ought to reflect on our own endowment and remember that we covenant to support the leadership of the church instead of running our own agenda and publicly critisizing them. Where are your testimonies? Why does a private moment between mother and child need to become the point by which we are willing to compromise our modesty and make our entire male church family feel uncomfortable? When I think about whose argument best holds water I think Ang may be assured that hers is infinitely more rational.
Ang said:
Breasts may not be "genitals" but they are considered part of our "privates". And they are a big feature in sexuality. And as I think about it, it's also a part of the body that is covered by garments, which would lead one to think that it's a thing that should be not be seen by the general public.( Not like Feet!) we ARE resposible for our own thoughts and actions, including those that lead others to do wrong. Especially when it's not very hard to change that, use a blanket...
So, following your comment about "part of the body that is covered by garments", does that mean that all lds men should cover their chests too? For example, when swimming they should either wear a shirt or (heaven forbid) a bikini top.
Good question... but I don't see men's chests being as sexual as women's. I know that has a lot to do with our society though. There are places in Africa where women's chests are shown and out as much as men's.
Just came over from MDC and wanted to let you know that I love your nursing photos, espeically the one of you nursing both your kids. I am nuring my daughter, she just turned 2.
To the other people...the woman who says her sons' shouldn't have to be exposed to it....that's a horrible thing to say...the exact opposite needs to happen so that our sons' don't think sexual "dirty" forbidden thoughts when they see a woman nurse a baby.
And please don't compare a man flashing his penis out in public to a woman breastfeeding. It's just no comparision.
The youths of this country need to see breastfeeding!!!!! We are the ones causing these hangups in ourselves and our kids.
I have been nursing for just over 2 years now and I will never use a blanket, I will not hide in shame..this is not a "private" thing between me and my child...it's a child's BASIC HUMAN NEED being met by her mother. Shame on anyone who thinks otherwise.
Only in America, geeze.
It's hurtful to me that my testimony was questioned. I struggled for many years with my testimony and I currently am at my high point testimony-wise. I have a strong testimony of the church and am very active in my ward. I also nurse in sacrament meeting every Sunday and don't feel that there is anything wrong with it and have never been made to feel ashamed for nursing my children. This is how the Lord designed our bodies to function. He designed babies to need to nurse often. It is not fair to expect a mother to have to leave into a room full of stinky diapers or cover a baby who is unwilling and have to miss out on the talks and perhaps the sacrament. She needs to grow spiritually, as well.
Yes the garments cover the breasts, but nursing garments are designed to allow easy access of the breast. Obviously the church feels that nursing is important otherwise they wouldn't have designed those garments. It is my opinion that so long as breasts are being used in their nurturing function, the Lord would have no problem with a woman breastfeeding in sacrament meeting. I would not be ashamed to nurse in front of Jesus, and I'm absolutely certain that if Jesus saw me nursing my baby, he would look at me and smile. I think when we consider if an action is appropriate or not we should ask ourselves if we would do this in front of Jesus and there we receive our answer.
why would you want to accidentally flash anyone? I don't get it. I am not lds, but I nursed both of my kids for over a year each, and I was uncomfortable nursing them during the church service. It didn't seem reverent to me, if that makes sense.
Yes, feeding your child is natural. absolutely. but what about a little respect for people that might be offended?
The pictures are beautiful!
Just recently, my friend had a baby. I went to visit and drop off a meal and she was completely nude in her living room with only a pillow on her lap for support as her newborn nursed. It was such a sacred and beautiful sight, it brought tears to my eyes.
So many have been tainted and twisted in their understanding of our bodies and their uses. I had a clear view that day of how sacred and beautiful they truly are.
I'm also a young mother of two beautiful children-two and a half and one. I nursed them in Sacrament Meeting and was discrete only because in my unhealthy view of the human body and it's purposes, I remember being disgusted and embarrassed upon seeing my Aunt's nursing their children growing up. And yes, I knew it was my problem and not theirs.
You are one-hundred percent correct that it is their problem and not yours. The real problem is the culture we live in even within the Church.
Good for you for standing up for what you know is right. If us Mother's don't stand up it's going to get to the point that we have to always be behind closed doors to feed our children.
The only thing I can think of that your leaders are trying to emphasize to you is charity...if so many are offended, you ought to change your behavior. It's easy to see their point of view.
However, inasmuch as you feel God backing you up in this, don't give up the fight.
There is so much to be learned from your example. Keep it up. Pray for guidance and do whatever the Lord tells you to do. This may just be something you need to stand up against.
I admire your courage and determination. We need more members of the Church like you.
Your friend,
Rachael
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